45 years of marriage.......not quite

Yesterday, 2nd December, would have been my parents 45th wedding anniversary, a sapphire anniversary. Sadly, mum didn't make it. I was worried for my dad. He got through her birthday OK, just treating the day as another normal day, but this one was a little different. He came over for evening meal and spent a couple of hours with us. We didn't do much, but I didn't want him to be on his own all day.

I suspect that Christmas will be more difficult for us. Mum usually organised quite a bit of the celebrations but she won't be here. That will be something we will have to get used to. Dad can't think about Christmas. He doesn't know whether to get a tree or get himself organised to buy presents. I am not going to push him to do anything, but will have some standby pressies, just in case.

How do you start to live again after nearly 45 years of marriage?

A week off

I have been a bit of a workaholic this year. I have a holiday entitlement of up to 30 days and next year I can have the same, 'cos I am entitled to take up to 5 days over. But even with those 5 days taken next year, I still have not taken enough time off so this week I took the rest of my entitlement to ensure that I didn't lose any days.

I haven't done a lot.
Monday - Nicki's Birthday. Got up early to see her open her presents. Unfortunately, our present had not arrived. (See below) Then, Christmas Shopping. Got most of the presents and did it within my budget so far. I feel great about that but I still need to get Christmas Cards organised, wrapping presents, ensuring that I have the Christmas Dinner organised, and ordered!!!!
Tuesday - didn't do a lot at all. Rested for most of the morning to be honest.
Wednesday - Dug a bit on the allotment. Lunchtime - went to Costco with my father. Nice to do something together, just the two of us, even if it was forcing ourselves around a crowded store.
Thursday - Visited a friend from work who is on longterm sick. Came home and cleaned the kitchen and the oven. Hated doing it but pleased with the results.
Friday - today - going to see a friend who has just had a new baby.
OK - it sounds like I have been busy - but I have, intentionally, not rushed. This has been a good week for me. Still a little fragile around the edges though.

Tomorrow - back to the grind of a normal weekend. Nicki will need taking to her keyboard lessons early tomorrow. She is doing so well at it. Next year she will be taking her Grade 6 Keyboard. As a birthday present, we bought her an 88 key keyboard to enable her to play more piano pieces. Unfortunately, the warehouse didn't get it to us in time, hence my comments above. The company didn't immediately apologise for their mess up and it took about 3 emails before they even ventured to offer us an apology. Still waiting for the keyboard to arrive, but I am assured that it has been despatched from the warehouse. We wait, in anticipation.

The ship has sailed

My father counted up his sympathy cards today - over 250 of them. They are full of wonderful expressions of how much my mother touched lives. Memories of her as a child, as a nurse, as a confidant and friend.
One of the sympathy cards that was received contained the following:

I am standing at the seashore and watching a ship. It is large and bright and glinting in the sun. Myself, and many others, wish it's passenger good sailing, and to say "goodbye" - but going where?

Just out of sight - that is all.
I want that ship not to sail. I want it to stay, but it is sailing away with it's passenger - never to return.

I stand here, with others, waving, saying "farewell", "goodbye", "God Bless", and what I need to remember is that there are other voices, other hands excitedly waving on the other side of the horizon and joyfully singing out.....

"Here she comes!"

It's been a hard week

My mother died on 5th November and her funeral was yesterday. It's funny how you have to psych yourself up for these things. On Sunday, I was in such an emotional state that I could not think right. Friends at church gave comfort. One even said "Enjoy the day!"
I couldn't understand that comment. In fact, I really couldn't believe that she had actually said it. She explained that there would be people at the funeral who would provide me with more memories of my mother to treasure. I must confess, I still didn't really understand what she was saying...... until yesterday.

The day was hard. We decided on having the cremation service first, followed by a thanksgiving service at my mother's home church. It was incredible. We, the family, knew that my mother was well respected, but didn't realise how much until we arrived at the crematorium. People were queueing to get in!!! When we had taken our places, there were nearly 100 people still standing at the back!
The thanksgiving service was just the same. The church seated around 120. Nearly 30 people were standing in the main building, with another 50 seated in the overflow, and another 30 or so standing in the foyer! My mum touched so many lives while she was here. I just didn't realise.
Then, I began to understand what had been said to me. In the middle of the tears, I began to learn things about my mother that I didn't know before; her life as a surgical nurse, the number of couples that she touched at the Marriage Encounter weekends that she ran with my dad, acts of kindness that she did for the neighbours who she always looked out for, the church family that she belonged to, parties and fun that she had with cousins and other family members. I was enjoying it - learning about my mum, and adding to my memory bank.
It was hard work, talking to so many people, and I was incredibly tired at the end of the day. But we mourned and cried for my mum as we finally let her go, and we celebrated her life and thank God that she is now with her precious Lord, along with her mother and our little daughter, Jessamy.

A picture came to me soon after she died. Our daughter, Jess, was greeting my mother in heaven saying "Hi Grandma, you're here. Let me show you around".

It has been a while...

.....since my last post. A lot has happened to me, but not on the flying front. I think this blog needs to take a change in direction, so from now on it won't be limited to flying. Sorry about that.
Life has been a bit hard of late. My mum died of pancreatic cancer on 5th Nov. She had been unwell for a while but we didn't know what with until about 3 months ago. Since knowing, she went downhill quite fast - particularly the last week. For a cancer that can be incredibly painful, she was spared all of that and died peacefully at home with my dad by her side. The funeral is on Thursday.
OK, I still have my father with me, but someone described loosing a parent as like "loosing the lead in a convoy" - there was no-one at the front anymore. I feel a bit like that at times. Someone said that I was now to be the organiser of the family but I don't know whether I should accept that label. My father is still around and I have a brother nearby. We are all capable of organising our own lives. I think my father might object to me taking over, and I don't think I should do that. Maybe as he gets older, but not just now.

Feeling More Positive

I think I needed time to get over my disappointment and to work things through. I have received encouragement from family, friends, and others who have responded to this blog. So, it looks like it could be motion sickness tablets, or wrist bracelets that work on acupuncture points. I need to keep trying.

Attitude helps too. I am not an advocate of "think positive and everything will work out OK", but you do have to have the right attitude. Sometimes, that takes an effort to change. I'm sure that you have heard the phrase "Choose your Attitude" and you really do have to do that - everyday. It does affect how your day plays out. I am an optimist by nature, but even I have to be real. And that is where I am right now, trying to keep in touch with reality.

On a more fun note - the Red Bull Air Race competition was in Longleat, UK, this weekend. Wow!! Some of those pilots were pulling nearly 12G!!!! How do they do it? AND NOT BE SICK!!! I wasn't able to go myself, but watched the TV coverage.

Disappointment

OK. So I did go flying on 6th August but again I was unwell. So, if anyone has any tips on how to get over this, then I would be grateful.

To be honest, at this moment in time, I don't know whether I want to continue, if I cam going to be ill each time. I'm spending a lot of money, and I am wondering if it is worth it.

Flying again tomorrow

Going to Blackbushe tomorrow for another flight in the Cessna. I will remember to eat something this time so that I don't have the misfortune of feeling unwell at any time. I do not want to find out that I get sick up there.

Riat 2006

Wow - what a day. Started driving at 5.30am and parked at 7.10am. Had to wait in the cold for the gates to open at 7.30am and then wandered in to our seated area and "set up camp". It was freezing but the clouds parted just as the flying started at 10am and we had blue sky all the way.

They call this the best Airshow in the world. I am sure that the Americans would disagree but no-one could doubt that the best of the best had turned up. There were trainer planes, World War II planes, Helicopters, and modern day airpower from F16 to F18 to Mig 29. And an Osprey flew in. Is it a plane? Is it a helicopter? You can call it what you like. It was pretty impressive.


What was the best display? It would be unfair to compare them but I was very impressed with the F18 and the Mig 29. Those pilots threw those birds around.

This really was an exceptional day and I wouldn't have missed it for the world.

Cessna 152

Sunday 18th June was the day I took my introductory flight in a Cessna 152 from Blackbushe Airfield, Surrey.

I was due to take off at around 12 noon but things got put back a little. I was incredibly anxious so didn't each much in the morning and I forgot to eat before I went up. It was a lovely warm day and the smell of aeroplane fuel seemed a little stronger than usual.
12.40pm came and I was given a briefing by my pilot, Steve Larkins, who said that he would let me do most of the flying (!) and our flight path would be to fly to my home town of Chesham, find my house and then fly back again. This was going to be great.
We arrived at our plane, where Steve gave me an overview of the controls. We started the engine and taxied to the runway, testing the engine as we went. Permission was given to take off and Steve took us down the runway. Once airbourne and on our flight path, he handed over the controls.
Steve talked me through what to do to keep the plane level, how to increase speed, increase altitude, bank left and right, how to trim the plane, and how to decrease speed and decrease altitude. We did all this and I saw my house!!
We turned from Chesham and headed back to Blackbushe. I saw the airfield laid out below us. It was at this point, I suddenly came over ill. I couldn't believe it. Steve took controls to bring us around the airfield and to line up while I proceeded to shove my head into a container. Fortunately, because I hadn't eaten, there was nothing there. I recovered enough to see us line up with the runway and land.
I was devastated. Why had I been ill? The only reason I can come up with is that the fuel fumes got onto my empty stomach. It took me a good hour to recover but I didn't feel good for the rest of the day.

So, what do I do now? At my husband's suggestion, I am going to book up another hour at Blackbushe but I am going to eat a light meal before I take off. I want to be certain that this is just a one off occurance. If it isn't, then I am going to be devastated, because I won't be able to complete my dream.

I'm going to phone the airfield again now.

St Albans Vineyard

It's good to find a home of your own, especially when it comes to a matter of faith. There are so many people seeking a spiritual home but feel out of place. I've found mine at St Albans Vineyard.
Everybody is looking for something. I bet you have asked yourself the question "There must be more to life than this?" Well, I definately know there is. If you are wanting to find out for yourself, I can strongly recommend a course/book called
The Purpose Driven Life. Send me your comments.

RIAT

OK. I've done it. I'm off to RAF Fairford for the Royal International Air Tattoo on 15th July. Spent a little extra money on top of the entrance fee so that I could sit in a bit of luxury and watch the displays in the Jubilee Garden. Let's hope that the weather stays fine. Ear plugs will be required because we will be very close to the flight line. I can't wait.

Merlin

Monday night - watering the allotment and I could hear the familiar sound of rotary blades thrashing through the air, but the depth of the sound told me that this was a heavyweight.
Suddenly, there it was, lifting up from the horizon. Big, dark, military and beautiful. The UK Royal Navy Merlin medium lift helicopter is a variant of the EH101 helicopter developed by AgustaWestland. I just stopped to watch her fly over at around 1500 feet.

I get to see so much from my allotment. I have watched Spitfires, the one and only hurrican, SeaKings, hot air balloons and, as Bovingdon Beacon is right next door, every type of civilian passenger aeroplane that flies into Heathrow (LHR).

I am so lucky.

anyone for cricket?

England are playing Sri Lanka today in the 3rd test, and were having trouble getting the tailenders out but we managed it in the end.
Going to a fun cricket match on Thursday this week. Our company, Romeike, are fielding a team for the first round of a number of matches. I won't be playing but I will be going along to support, or be a cheerleader. The matches are trying to raise money for the new St Francis Hospice in Berkhamsted. The website for the tournament can be found here.

If you are reading this outside the UK, I know that our game of cricket can get so confusing. I must confess that it confuses me sometimes but I still enjoy watching England play.

Of course there is the World Cup to look forward to. Also the British Grand Prix (Formula 1), Wimbledon. Oooh, what a summer!!

The end of May

I can't believe that this month has gone so fast. A lot has happened but I am still not yet flying.
The allotment is full of young plants and I am looking forward to seeing them grow and eating their results. Everybody should try to grow a little something, even if it is only one tomato plant in a pot.

Some of you will see that I have added a few more links. One is for a new young rock band I know called "Seconds Away". Their website is pretty cool!! The second link is a video by Muse. I love this group and particularly this song "Stockholm Syndrome" so please take a look.

I have received information from the British Women Pilots Association detailing how to become a pilot, along with their magazine. This year sees them celebrating their 50th Anniversary. They also have an article about the competition that was launched last August to encourage more women to take up flying. It was that day that started me on this journey of flight.

Hey ladies, why don't you join me and look to see if you too can become a pilot. You can do ballooning, microlighting, gliding, fixed wing plane and rotary wing helicopter flying. There is bound to be a centre near you that covers one of these options and it really isn't as expensive as some might think.

Health

Following on from my previous entry about my allotment, I have found one Health site that I love. Mercola.com is a great site for those people who want to read more information about health, drugs, vaccinations etc., and encourages people to make informed choices about their own health.
Go on, take a look. A link to the daily blog, which covers issues in addition to health, can be found in my sidebar.

My other hobby

OK. So far I have written about my desire to fly but I do have other hobbies and one of them is tending to my allotment.
I share this with a friend, and we have only had the plot for about a year. Strawberries, raspberries, blackcurrants are establishing themselves. Last autumn we planted onions and shallots, and these are looking great. Spinach, spring onions, lambs lettuce kept us going over the winter.
This year, we have planted carrots, beetroot, coriander, runner and french beans, potatoes, salads. In the next couple of weeks, we will be planting sweetcorn, courgettes, cucumbers, pumpkins/squashes, leeks, brassicas... I think we will run out of space.
This has really be a great opportunity to change the family's eating habits. My son now devours salads and roasted vegetables. Winter saw me making pints of vegetable soup which didn't last a day. The kids loved it. Our health and weight have changed for the better. With so much emphasis on the dangers of obesity and high fat and salt intake, I know that I am doing the right thing for my family.

Looking forward

The weather has taken a turn for the worse here in the UK, and there would be no way that I could have flown in the last couple of weeks. Still, I am looking ahead.

I would like to attend an airshow or two this year. There is RIAT and Farnborough to look forward to, but they are quite close together this year, so I would only be able to manage one of them. RIAT would probably be my favourite but then Farnborough may have the new Airbus 380 doing a flypast.

Have you seen that giant? The 380 landed at Heathrow last week and it was huge. Is this the way forward for airtravel in the 21st Century? I know that Boeing would have you think otherwise. I am just amazed at the incredible advances that have been made in aviation in the last century. It is incredible to think that flying has only been around for 100 years. We can fly supersonic, although the loss of Concorde was a backward step, in my opinion. We can go to the moon, and we can make helicopter gunships that look as ugly as they are beautiful. It is incredible to look at the multifaceted levels of aviation.

Blogging - I'm learning

Starting this blog has made me delve deeper into the skill of writing, reading code, and self promotion. I have added my blog to Technorati to push readership to my blog in line with suggestions made in the Blogger Help - Promoting Your Blog. Unfortunately, Daypop, Blogdex, Popdex were not available so I could not add to their listings yesterday. The next thing I need to do is set up a signature on my email account and add people to my "mailing list". Hey, this looks like this is going to be fun, but I will not run before I can walk.

Flying - I haven't had any further progress but have been spending the time learning about the principles of helicopter flying. Well, it isn't all just up in the air, there has to be some text book learning at some point.

Another date booked

I have rebooked my fixed wing introductory flight for 18th June. It seems such a long way off and only adds to my frustration.
In the meantime, I have written to the British Women Pilots' Association to find out about their scholarship scheme. Unless I win the Lottery, or unless I discover an elderly rich relative, I don't quite know how I am going to fund this dream. I feel I need to be a bit more upfront with people about financing this. I don't like begging and that is what if feels like to me. It is not that we don't have savings to use, we do but, these will not be enough on their own. Steve is now doing 4 jobs a week just to keep us in the place where we are. I will probably have to be serious about taking on a second job. I knew it would take sacrifice but at this moment in time, I don't know which way to turn.

Challenged

Went to church yesterday and was challenged by the talk. We have been doing a series recently. For the last 3 weeks we have covered "Uniqueness", "Purpose" and this week "Passion".
What I received from the series was a confirmation that this flying thing is not a passing phase. I have unique things about me that make this flying thing possible. My unique skills give my life purpose and when both my uniqueness and my purpose join together I get passionate about things. That is what I feel about flying. I am passionate about aviation. I love aircraft and I don't want to be a spectator anymore. The whole idea about taking my hobby on further is scary, especially as I am not a "spring chicken" anymore, but I don't think that matters. If it means a change of career, then so be it. I was speaking to another lady this weekend who is completely changing her career and she is older than me, and has to get 3 kids through university. In both our cases, it will mean sacrifice.
I am so grateful that my husband is really encouraging about this. My son has also told me to "go for it" and I feel that this is my time, my opportunity for me. So, I am going to grab this even though it feels like I am on a roller coaster at times.

All is not lost

OK. So I didn't get to fly today due to the weather. It didn't promise to be in my favour but I rang a few hours before my flight and was told that they were not flying. I am disappointed, but all is not lost. I just have to rebook.

As I mentioned before, it makes the idea of training in America more appealing. There are plenty of flight schools that do residential intensive courses and I am investigating those. I have so many options e.g. Florida,Atlanta. The research into each company is difficult because although they sound like they offer the same things, there are some differences. I need to be able to obtain a licence that allows me to fly in both UK and USA without having to go through a conversion. For the Private Pilots' Licence, this is easier to do, but if I want a Commercial Licence then I will probably have to sit a conversion test. Still, that is way ahead of me. I am trying to take one step at a time.

So, today, I will take some time endulging in another of my hobbies - allotmenting. The vegetables and salads will not grow without water, so that's where I am off to now.

The adventure begins

I want to learn to fly a helicopter and this is my journey. I am glad you can share it with me.
Tomorrow, I am taking my first lesson, albeit in a fixed wing plane but you have to start somewhere. I was fortunate enough to win this through a competition run by the British Women Pilots' Association last year. That's when I finally made my decision that if I didn't go with my dream now then I would regret it for the rest of my life.

I have always loved aviation. My father was enthusiastic and it rubbed off. We often went to airshows together, watched aircraft whenever possible but the opportunity to actually get up in one and fly never presented itself. Money - that has always been the problem!!

On that day in August last year I had a flight in a Robinson22 with the Female World Champion Pilot, Caroline Gough-Cooper. I was in safe hands. It was then I knew that I wanted to fly helicpoters rather than planes. They appear to be more of a challenge; they are more expensive to run; they are inherently unstable; they are want I want to fly.

So, what happens now?
Well, if anyone out there can help me - if they have any valuable advise, then I would like to hear from you. I need sponsorship and am currently writing to various organisations to see if I qualify. If you are one such organisation, then please get in contact.

But, it all starts tomorrow, weather pending. It doesn't promise to be a good day so I may have to postpone. It makes the idea of training in America all the more appealing. They have the weather there.